so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a search helicopter?!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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