something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
