she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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