so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
