so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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