All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
