Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
