Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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