Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
