ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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