WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think my cat just said my name.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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