Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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