Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
