What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
