when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
