just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
