the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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