I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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