It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize