He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
