he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
