Swine flu. Run for my life!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
