Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
