I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
