worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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