Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
