I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize