I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
