DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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