Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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