So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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