All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
