I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
