You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
