I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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