I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
