My hand turned me down
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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