is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
