We're like a lot better than the average bears
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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