I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
