It's Friday. Sex?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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