We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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