I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
