It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
