You're my little dorito
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
