what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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