I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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