dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
