Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
