I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
