i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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