At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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