Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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