His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
