so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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