Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
