I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
