It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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