shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
how does that bad decision feel?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
