I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
