I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
