I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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