Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
