I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
3pm strippers are depressing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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